Knowledge

Scoopy: Oye do u know how a lipstick tastes like??

Toad: *looks at him *... Dude if I knew ...I would have been a prince by now !

Scoopy nods thoughtfully* "Hmmm" 

Ambitious ....

Me: I want to do something rebelious

Scoopy: Why ?

Me: I just do. I feel like it.

Scoopy: What do you want to do ?

Me: Protest in the streets, write rebelious articles, become a tv reporter freelance or something... Anything.

Scoopy: COOOL!...but Then what ?

Me: well then i'll get a real job someday...

Scoopy: Ooo sounds like a plan....

and we resumed with our cheetos and coke while we sat in our cool pond house .....

Relaxing Profession...HUH?

The best way to convert a lie in to a formidable truth is to strongly believe in it. You talk about it to yourself and your toad brain so many times that it actually starts to feel like a truth. ....

A hardcore, factual, tangible, fathomable truth..... If you can convince yourself then others are just easy targets.

I'll be the president soon if I keep going by this rate.

Scoopy Agrees. He thinks I have a strong potential for a career in politics.  I do agree with him but then politics can be a grueling affair. It is not very relaxing a profession. You are always working on something,

 some meeting, deligations, more meetings..more deligations.... speeches... and not to forget the assassination threats. Good toad presidents are endangered species anyways.

I am an excellent orator of course so speeches won't be a problem really (I have yet to find any thing I am not Excellent at)....... But who needs life to be that tough....

You know what a relaxing profession is?

Wait for it.

*drum rolls*...

NONE!

*music dies down*

Yes there is none, stop looking at me like you just woke up from a dream and trying to figure out where you are.

Anything that becomes a profession ...eventually becomes anxiety inducing, brain wrecking, non relaxing activity.

I am a victim ... so are you. Some of you just don't know it yet. Yes YOU! buncha low life dreamers!

Those who think they would be better of sculputring rather than their current jobs of being accountants. Try leaving it and start earning through sculpturing.

When you have to deliver a sculpture on a given deadline and your creative juices are not flowing ....

I'll tell you what is flowing then.... Your sweat... out of anxiety of meeting the deadline. NOT A FUN THING. Just like the deadline of an account audit report you did in your accounting job. Its all the same if its a profession.

Learn to be happy with what you have. Not all of you can be excellent at everything like I am. Status quo of nature. .

Who says only the fittest can survive. The average and not so average survive. The fittest freakin rule the world.

Like I said ... with this rate i'll be president soon!

The question remains.....

Scoopy Set up a blind date for me!

He couldn't stop rambling about the fact that how awesome the toadess was. I couldn't help but Yawn.

Toadess and Awesome are two words I word never use in a sentence together.

I have my reasons. No arguments required.

The longest a relationship lasted for me was a month. It was probably my first time. I was more careful from there onwards not to fall for the trap. Freedom was important to me. It still is. Most of you would argue that the old "ball and chain " example is clichéd and it doesn't happen like that anymore. You are all wrong. YES!.
Anything that has a string attached to it can be pulled and pushed. They call them puppets .... and I ain't one....

Scoopy still managed to send me on the blind date despite knowing my past history with toadesses. I guess he is a bit too optimistic about me. He probably thinks I'll change my ways and repent. Problem is that you repent from things that you think are bad.....You get the point...right?.


Alright Jumping right to the dinner date.

Sitting at the table waiting for our order to arrive.... The toadess won't shut up....She kept on and on about ...God knows what Cause she lost me after 20 seconds.... Her name was lizzy.

Lizzy: Toad What are you thinking right now?

ME: Errr ... nothing.

Lizzy: How can You think nothing? There must be something.

Me: No...Its just a blank mind right there....

Lizzy: stop messing around with me and tell me na... I am interested to know ..

Me: There is noth...... ah well .. OK I will but ....

Lizzy: but ??? but what?

Me: You really sure u want to hear that?

Lizzy: Yeah I am. Go on.

Me: don't take me wrong please....

Lizzy: Oh God what is it? Are u feeling ok?

Me: yeah..well I guess.. I am just in a dilemma right now...I guess I should ask you about it.

Lizzy: *getting curious* yes you can trust me with that ...

Me: the point is....

Lizzy: *getting eager and impatient*

Me: *clears his throat*.... ah.... ermmmm ... well... I am just thinking why did the chicken cross the road ?

Lizzy: *kinda taken aback * I am sorry what?

Me: You heard me ...why did the chicken cross the road I wonder? *makes a serious thoughtful face*

Lizzy: * because he had to go to the weapons store across the street...He bought a gun and shot you to death for your sheer lameness Toad............* Go to hell *.... She hopped away .... all red and flustered...

see a little lameness goes a long way.

cheque please.

Charlie's Angels

After a rain drenched night, Friday morning at toad town was amazing. My toad heart sang some songs for my imaginary toadess.As I rode on my Lamborghini Diablo to work. (Thats what I nick named my Volkswagen ) I saw the "Charlie's Angels" staring at me from head to toe and whispering stuff to each other.

No Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy liu NO NO NO.... Those are not the ""Charlie's Angels" I am talking about. (Although I wish I was ... ) *drifts Away in Toad DayDreaming*...

oh right back to the real story. These "Charlie's Angels" are a bunch of toadess aunties that stand outside everyday keeping an eye on everyone and latching onto any gossip originating opportunity. There Names are given below

1. Appa Hameedaan

2. Baji Rakhshanda

3. Aunti Zulekhan.

Nothing special about them though. Pretty much every toad town has them. Nothing escapes them. Any birth of baby toad, any toad wedding, any family fights and politics. They pretty much run the racket if you know what I mean. I am the designated out law of their domain. Every morning they stalk me for any possible loophole in my life which they can pounce on and end my lawless vigilante life.

Today was no different. "hello ladies" I greeted them as I stopped my car close to them.

"hello beta"..they all said it with a fake smile.

"brilliant weather today " I exclaimed.

'Yes beta .. but we are not sure if that is the reason for your song humming morning ' They said with a menacing twinkle in their eye.

I knew they were on to me. I panicked at the very thought of it.

"ah ..hmm ladies I am getting late from work ..see you later " I said as I hurriedly steered the car away ...

Phew that was close.

All in a days work ... although I just lost the will to hum any more songs...

If you were expecting any point in this post then you are starkly mistaken...... 

"Dog"ma

"DOG"MA does not directly translate to fairy "dog" mother ... Just a disclaimer.

so I visit a fellow toad's place today. His name is Scoopy. He is still a student. Yes I have friends that are younger than me. It is not as eye brow raising as you think it is. He was in the bathroom while I was casually looking around in his room. Right there on the top of his study table there was a note. I hopped closer to the table so that I could read what it said.

"Kutton ki tarhan parho" (study hard like mad dogs...).

Ok that is weird ... Even for a toad. Scoopy has this habit of writing notes to self. He can be lazy so just to motivate himself he leaves himself such notes. The questions that were popping in my head were

a) Where has he seen dogs study?
b) Why does he want to follow them in the act?
c) Why dogs? Is he ashamed of being a toad and the awesome history of the toad generation and the accomplishments??

But then again ...he is Scoopy. Anything is possible with him.

In the mean time he came out and saw me sitting there.

"YO Dawg when did you arrive"...?  He beamed...

Ahhh....Another dog reference.....

I am like you are a toad ..at least learn to act Like one.

he's like thats just bullshit  I do not believe in that  patriotic, race indulgent "dogma"...



If I had hair I would have pulled them right out.......

Voting Rights

I, on behalf of all the toad community, would like to hereby state that we want us to be granted the right to vote.

Yes there ... I said it. I am sure you guys are surprised at such a demand from a Toad. How can "toads" vote? Well if you are reading this then you are here on this blog ....and if you are then ...well.... think for a minute ... If toads can write a blog then they sure can vote .....

*silence on your part I am sure *....

let our voices be heard.......

Toad Casanova.

Hola Amigos and Amigas.

 The Casanova of all bloggers is here. OK well not really but who doesn't like a big entrance. This is my first post here in the blogging world. I was bored of the day to day proceedings in my pond hence I decided I should explore this world. Just to see what's all the fuss about. Just to put all the questions that are knocking on your feeble brain right now to rest, I am a toad who does not like his Pond very much. Ah I still don't hear your questions snorring. Look, stop being so inquisitive for a change. Its relaxing. The very sweet oblivion. Come on try it. OK it takes time to get over your old spoiled brat habits but impossible is nothing. (no this blog is not sponsored by Adidas. We prefer NIKE in our pond markets, largely because we  love to "Just Do It". *moves to the beat*

OK before my Boss toad starts yelling at me for not doing my job I have to hop off your heads. Don't cry ... i'll be back. Because Arnold toad-nigga' said so.

So long Homo_Sapiens.

Senor Toad Pond