Dark Knight Rises!!!!

Scoopy: " I think Imran khan is so cool " (folding the newspaper he was reading)

Me: (without taking my eyes off the computer screen while playing NFS most wanted)... ahan..what makes you say that?

Scoopy: dude I mean look at him.I think he's like batman for pakistan.

Me: (had to take my eyes of the screen after that claim,after pausing it ofcourse) woah.. really :O how so?

Scoopy: look he was a play boy just like bruce wayne is, and now he is out there to save Gotham from all the corrupt people

Me: *facepalm* playboy right. gotham? you mean Pakistan I am guessing..

Scoopy: Yeah thats what I meant. I can totaly relate to that ....

Me: But no one knows who batman really is?

Scoopy: He is Bruce Wayne. Everyone knows that dude. Havn't you seen the movie ? *gives me a surprised/hopeless look*

me: ahh yeah but I mean no one in the movie knows batman is Bruce Wayne...

Scoopy: oh well nobody really knows who Imran khan is either if you know what i mean *winking at me and then giving me a smug look as to appreciate his own sense of irony*

Me: and Rachel Dawson is Jamaima I suppose?

Scoopy: yes exactly because she could only see the bruce wayne side of imran and hence left him. Damn dude you just made the perfect analogy... Man We have batman among ourselves.

Me: oh well ok. Calm down MR.Nolan....(resume playing nfs most wanted)

Scoopy: *talking to himself* I am gonna vote for him. He is our savior. He is the one. together we will strike the forces of evil to hell ... *getting all pumped up as blood rushed through his face in excitment*. He's the harbinger of change

Me: hmmm we'll see... By the way Batman didn't won us the cricket worldcup.

Scoopy: yeahh but..... oh.....hmmmmm

You got that Right!....

The "not so" ugly Shoelace.

In the land of the blind she's the one with a stethoscope, spectacles, white overall and a huge ass syringe ...coming your way ...be scared. be very scared :P ....

yes she is none other than our very own Ugly Shoelace.... the Lara croft in white overalls :P ....

If you are stupid ...you will get to know u are ... no two ways about it ....

If you are not stupid ..then u are not the one to decide that :P .... wake up to the real world :P she does....

she will leave u pondering whether her syringe hurts more or her words..... but she uses both to heal you from the insane level of human oddity that you have become...trust me ....:P

I sometimes wonder how does she ever survive this whirlwind of a storm called humanity....but she does.... and oh yeah ...she is emotionally dead ...so probably that explains it... :P...

I may not be a very good employee in her opinion .... but who can question her ? No one messes with the pathaan :P .... don't agree? I would love to watch you try :P .... no go ahead...try :P ..I dare ya :P ...

*gets pop corns and coke* :P

She would comment on my blog like once in a million years..... shows that she actually likes me :D ...... and saves me from her barrage of words that other so often become a victim of :P ....

I would very much like to adopt her though.....

pardon?

Her blog (http://pistaye.wordpress.com/) ... click at ur own risk :P why ? She sees dead people thats why ... :P

The Stone Age Perception

sofi: "...so I don't think people can order things online in Pakistan...."

Me: (while watching braveheart's original DVD ordered through amazon.com) ...No... We still live in stone age in Pakistan.

Tinkoo laughs out loud.

Sofi gives her a stare....

Sofi and my love for Man"kind?"

Sofi thinks I am not very social.

(Sofi, by the way, is another of my friends...)

"you need to go out more" says she.

"why" was my blank answer as I did not make any attempt of looking away from my laptop screen.

"are you even listening to me you lazy toad"

She gets furious quickly. She is famous for her flying tempers. Scoopy is usually very scared of her.

"I am yar I am.... " my eyes still on the laptop.

she slams the lid closed and gives me a long hard stare.

"You'll die alone you know that" she exclaimed.

"well I have no intention of killing a dozen others while I die" I solemnly replied  (A list of 12 or so people went through my head which I wouldn't surely mind killing though)

"plus why would u think such a thing  sofi ?" I finally looked at her since the lappy lid was closed.

"because you hate going out ... what is your problem with mankind??" she was in full swing.

"ahh well.... I like mankind.. hell I love it.... its just that....its the people I can't stand " I innocently replied.


"aaarggghhhhhh ...." she smacked the same laptop on my head .... *THUD*.....

I watched the milky way gather around me as I fell into the darkness.....

Scoopy

say hello to scoopy :P

He is a bit too obsessed by Gerard Butlers Sparta.

I am no body’s trophy.

Scoopy: Why do girls always go for the bad boys? (he was clearly disappointed by his single status)

Me (while munching my McRoyale): its obvious why they do.

Scoopy: ahan? how so ?.

He gets closer, anxiously wanting to listen to my explanation about the dilemma he was facing.

Me: Well girls love to fix things. They need to fall for those bad boys because they believe they can fix their flaws and make them good boys. They are chasing the trophies I tell you. There is nothing more satisfied than a girl who has his man trained and domesticated. :P

Scoopy’s eyes go wide. He shook his head in excitement as if he had solved the mystery of the Bermuda triangle.

Me: They don’t fall for you because there is nothing to fix in you. You are a good decent bloke who lives his life with sense and maturity (I had to find a reason now  come on :P )

Scoopy: Ooooh Raaiighhht!…. So in order to change my relationship status from single to committed I need to be come a “bad Boy”.

Me: *sipping my extra large Coke*  *burp*…. That seems the case Scoopy. Its the Only way.

Scoopy: HMmmmmm (gives out a thoughtful hmmmm as he ponders while looking at thin air. )

*A minute passes by*

Scoopy: well how come you are single? *he gives me an inquisitive look *

Me: *Carelessly throwing the food paper bag in the corner * … Coz scoopy … I am nobody’s Trophy!.

WorkLoad?

The poor guy started crying. I guess I just gave him a little too much work to do. How cruel of me.

ah well.... All in a days work :)

Milk man

I think I am in love with my doodh wala (milk man)….He runs a shop in the near by pond so I go buy it everyday from him.

You must be wondering what is so special about him.

Well….. The thing is I simply go and stand there. Mind you there are no lines and people just jump over each other to get milk….. Chaos…. that is how it happens on most shops.

On the contrary he just knows everyone’s turn. People yell and scream and try to hop over each other. He pays no heed to them. Just takes orders from the person he knows is the one next.

Eventually everyone has started to realize their hopping is futile. Scoopy was the biggest culprit. He thinks there is a conspiracy behind this doodh wala and he is probably working for Israel, India or most probably USA. We never really have to justify our theories as long as they are perfectly sensible to us. *sigh*……

so I stand there and when my turn comes he simply looks at me and says “han jee kitna” (how much milk) and then he fetches milk and off i go. No chaos, no panic.

Like I said. I think i am in love with my milk man ( it may not be entirely non gay) :P  scoopy is jealous :p haha

Scoopy Likes.

so I log on to my facebook the other day and i am hopping (scrolling) through the feeds. I come across one from scoopy. it said .

"Scoopy likes Prophet Mohammad and sonu niggam"

:| ...

I am at loss of words really :P


PS: this is a true event. The names have been changed for user privacy :p.

Knowledge

Scoopy: Oye do u know how a lipstick tastes like??

Toad: *looks at him *... Dude if I knew ...I would have been a prince by now !

Scoopy nods thoughtfully* "Hmmm" 

Ambitious ....

Me: I want to do something rebelious

Scoopy: Why ?

Me: I just do. I feel like it.

Scoopy: What do you want to do ?

Me: Protest in the streets, write rebelious articles, become a tv reporter freelance or something... Anything.

Scoopy: COOOL!...but Then what ?

Me: well then i'll get a real job someday...

Scoopy: Ooo sounds like a plan....

and we resumed with our cheetos and coke while we sat in our cool pond house .....

Relaxing Profession...HUH?

The best way to convert a lie in to a formidable truth is to strongly believe in it. You talk about it to yourself and your toad brain so many times that it actually starts to feel like a truth. ....

A hardcore, factual, tangible, fathomable truth..... If you can convince yourself then others are just easy targets.

I'll be the president soon if I keep going by this rate.

Scoopy Agrees. He thinks I have a strong potential for a career in politics.  I do agree with him but then politics can be a grueling affair. It is not very relaxing a profession. You are always working on something,

 some meeting, deligations, more meetings..more deligations.... speeches... and not to forget the assassination threats. Good toad presidents are endangered species anyways.

I am an excellent orator of course so speeches won't be a problem really (I have yet to find any thing I am not Excellent at)....... But who needs life to be that tough....

You know what a relaxing profession is?

Wait for it.

*drum rolls*...

NONE!

*music dies down*

Yes there is none, stop looking at me like you just woke up from a dream and trying to figure out where you are.

Anything that becomes a profession ...eventually becomes anxiety inducing, brain wrecking, non relaxing activity.

I am a victim ... so are you. Some of you just don't know it yet. Yes YOU! buncha low life dreamers!

Those who think they would be better of sculputring rather than their current jobs of being accountants. Try leaving it and start earning through sculpturing.

When you have to deliver a sculpture on a given deadline and your creative juices are not flowing ....

I'll tell you what is flowing then.... Your sweat... out of anxiety of meeting the deadline. NOT A FUN THING. Just like the deadline of an account audit report you did in your accounting job. Its all the same if its a profession.

Learn to be happy with what you have. Not all of you can be excellent at everything like I am. Status quo of nature. .

Who says only the fittest can survive. The average and not so average survive. The fittest freakin rule the world.

Like I said ... with this rate i'll be president soon!

The question remains.....

Scoopy Set up a blind date for me!

He couldn't stop rambling about the fact that how awesome the toadess was. I couldn't help but Yawn.

Toadess and Awesome are two words I word never use in a sentence together.

I have my reasons. No arguments required.

The longest a relationship lasted for me was a month. It was probably my first time. I was more careful from there onwards not to fall for the trap. Freedom was important to me. It still is. Most of you would argue that the old "ball and chain " example is clichéd and it doesn't happen like that anymore. You are all wrong. YES!.
Anything that has a string attached to it can be pulled and pushed. They call them puppets .... and I ain't one....

Scoopy still managed to send me on the blind date despite knowing my past history with toadesses. I guess he is a bit too optimistic about me. He probably thinks I'll change my ways and repent. Problem is that you repent from things that you think are bad.....You get the point...right?.


Alright Jumping right to the dinner date.

Sitting at the table waiting for our order to arrive.... The toadess won't shut up....She kept on and on about ...God knows what Cause she lost me after 20 seconds.... Her name was lizzy.

Lizzy: Toad What are you thinking right now?

ME: Errr ... nothing.

Lizzy: How can You think nothing? There must be something.

Me: No...Its just a blank mind right there....

Lizzy: stop messing around with me and tell me na... I am interested to know ..

Me: There is noth...... ah well .. OK I will but ....

Lizzy: but ??? but what?

Me: You really sure u want to hear that?

Lizzy: Yeah I am. Go on.

Me: don't take me wrong please....

Lizzy: Oh God what is it? Are u feeling ok?

Me: yeah..well I guess.. I am just in a dilemma right now...I guess I should ask you about it.

Lizzy: *getting curious* yes you can trust me with that ...

Me: the point is....

Lizzy: *getting eager and impatient*

Me: *clears his throat*.... ah.... ermmmm ... well... I am just thinking why did the chicken cross the road ?

Lizzy: *kinda taken aback * I am sorry what?

Me: You heard me ...why did the chicken cross the road I wonder? *makes a serious thoughtful face*

Lizzy: * because he had to go to the weapons store across the street...He bought a gun and shot you to death for your sheer lameness Toad............* Go to hell *.... She hopped away .... all red and flustered...

see a little lameness goes a long way.

cheque please.

Charlie's Angels

After a rain drenched night, Friday morning at toad town was amazing. My toad heart sang some songs for my imaginary toadess.As I rode on my Lamborghini Diablo to work. (Thats what I nick named my Volkswagen ) I saw the "Charlie's Angels" staring at me from head to toe and whispering stuff to each other.

No Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy liu NO NO NO.... Those are not the ""Charlie's Angels" I am talking about. (Although I wish I was ... ) *drifts Away in Toad DayDreaming*...

oh right back to the real story. These "Charlie's Angels" are a bunch of toadess aunties that stand outside everyday keeping an eye on everyone and latching onto any gossip originating opportunity. There Names are given below

1. Appa Hameedaan

2. Baji Rakhshanda

3. Aunti Zulekhan.

Nothing special about them though. Pretty much every toad town has them. Nothing escapes them. Any birth of baby toad, any toad wedding, any family fights and politics. They pretty much run the racket if you know what I mean. I am the designated out law of their domain. Every morning they stalk me for any possible loophole in my life which they can pounce on and end my lawless vigilante life.

Today was no different. "hello ladies" I greeted them as I stopped my car close to them.

"hello beta"..they all said it with a fake smile.

"brilliant weather today " I exclaimed.

'Yes beta .. but we are not sure if that is the reason for your song humming morning ' They said with a menacing twinkle in their eye.

I knew they were on to me. I panicked at the very thought of it.

"ah ..hmm ladies I am getting late from work ..see you later " I said as I hurriedly steered the car away ...

Phew that was close.

All in a days work ... although I just lost the will to hum any more songs...

If you were expecting any point in this post then you are starkly mistaken...... 

"Dog"ma

"DOG"MA does not directly translate to fairy "dog" mother ... Just a disclaimer.

so I visit a fellow toad's place today. His name is Scoopy. He is still a student. Yes I have friends that are younger than me. It is not as eye brow raising as you think it is. He was in the bathroom while I was casually looking around in his room. Right there on the top of his study table there was a note. I hopped closer to the table so that I could read what it said.

"Kutton ki tarhan parho" (study hard like mad dogs...).

Ok that is weird ... Even for a toad. Scoopy has this habit of writing notes to self. He can be lazy so just to motivate himself he leaves himself such notes. The questions that were popping in my head were

a) Where has he seen dogs study?
b) Why does he want to follow them in the act?
c) Why dogs? Is he ashamed of being a toad and the awesome history of the toad generation and the accomplishments??

But then again ...he is Scoopy. Anything is possible with him.

In the mean time he came out and saw me sitting there.

"YO Dawg when did you arrive"...?  He beamed...

Ahhh....Another dog reference.....

I am like you are a toad ..at least learn to act Like one.

he's like thats just bullshit  I do not believe in that  patriotic, race indulgent "dogma"...



If I had hair I would have pulled them right out.......

Voting Rights

I, on behalf of all the toad community, would like to hereby state that we want us to be granted the right to vote.

Yes there ... I said it. I am sure you guys are surprised at such a demand from a Toad. How can "toads" vote? Well if you are reading this then you are here on this blog ....and if you are then ...well.... think for a minute ... If toads can write a blog then they sure can vote .....

*silence on your part I am sure *....

let our voices be heard.......

Toad Casanova.

Hola Amigos and Amigas.

 The Casanova of all bloggers is here. OK well not really but who doesn't like a big entrance. This is my first post here in the blogging world. I was bored of the day to day proceedings in my pond hence I decided I should explore this world. Just to see what's all the fuss about. Just to put all the questions that are knocking on your feeble brain right now to rest, I am a toad who does not like his Pond very much. Ah I still don't hear your questions snorring. Look, stop being so inquisitive for a change. Its relaxing. The very sweet oblivion. Come on try it. OK it takes time to get over your old spoiled brat habits but impossible is nothing. (no this blog is not sponsored by Adidas. We prefer NIKE in our pond markets, largely because we  love to "Just Do It". *moves to the beat*

OK before my Boss toad starts yelling at me for not doing my job I have to hop off your heads. Don't cry ... i'll be back. Because Arnold toad-nigga' said so.

So long Homo_Sapiens.

Senor Toad Pond